A Song About Being In Love
Every time I long to write
A song about being in love
I mess it up
It slips right through my hands
I lose it all again
Swear I just held it up
Now I watch it drop
And a second ago
I was on cloud nine
With you right by my side
Everything seemed so divine
And I was so obsessed
With that perfect pretty dress
Tailormade just for me
To forever last
But it’s so easy to damage
Cause then real life is creepin’ in
Challenges we cannot win
Anxiety, recurring doubts
We don’t know what to do about
Same heart, new hope
Starts high, ends low
Don’t act so very surprised
By now you know
That’s how it goes
So next time I long to write
A song about being in love
I swear to God
I’ll be quick enough
To catch that seldom melody
Before it’s lost
Home
How do I breathe?
How do I sleep
When my world falls apart
Right in front of me?
How do I know
If to let go
When my thoughts trickle down my face
In a stream of tears
Spit it out
The sound of indecisiveness
Is my torture now
I can’t take
To watch you ruminate on how to leave
Cause it hurts to see
You were my home
You’re my home
And now that you’re gone
I’ll be building my own
What have we done?
We’d become one
Inseparable all night and day
Without a fight
So clear it’s terrifying
We choose to go our separate ways
So spit it out
Cause all the feelings we suppress
Eventually come out
I’ll be building my own home
Too Late
Who are you hiding from
When you’re all alone?
What are you running from
When you’re on your own?
It’s too late to blame
Anybody else than yourself
Yet too late to face
Any of this mess by yourself
I hear you howl like a wolf
It cuts through the wall
And I don’t know what to do
When your darkness unfolds
High walls
Built from the harshest critic
The inner cynic
So steep
Don’t even dare to begin
To think again
Who’s going to realize
Now you need them the most?
Cannot call anyone
You’re stuck in a hole
Warning Signs
I got stuck
in a bubble
What was real
Couldn’t be revealed
Tried to please you
To be a magnet
So exhausting
So entangled
There is darkness
Only darkness
When I think of
What is up next
No nirvana
Just insomnia
I don’t know
I don’t know
What would be best
You ready love
To finally pull the plug?
Just one more wave
One more wave of pain and discomfort
And then when it stops
Just this one more wave
Will it all just stop
When I make it stop
Can I…
Can it ever stop
Can it be enough?
Keep looking aside
Keep closing my eyes
Keep dimming the lights
To avoid the warning signs
You keep playing my mind
You keep claiming what’s right
You keep telling white lies
To obscure the warning signs
And now I know why
All that power
It was mine
And only mine
Fake Love
Cut the air
With a gaze
Straight into my heart
You take down
The walls I built
Watch me fall apart
Sick of my fears
They’re keeping me small
Sick of the lies
They keep me alone
Sick of the drugs
They set me up for the fall
I’m sick of the pain
I’m sick of the fake love
Is that all we’ve got?
I want to find real love
I got lost in a maze
Trying to find myself
I hear your voice
I see your face
But it’s just too late
I’m sick of the fake love
Is that all we’ve got?
Cause I believe in real love
Is that all we’ve got?
Cause I want some real love
Cut through the air
Just with a gaze
Straight into my heart
Watch me fall apart
Imagine
Hold my hand
So I can let you go
One last time
Understand
That our bond
Is strong enough to survive
This bittersweet goodbye
Gets harder by the second
I hate to see you cry
Wish that I could imagine
You not coming back to me
Say you are
Say you are
Coming on to me saying
You’re willing to dive right in
Open to face change
I still care
About you the same way
As before
Well aware
That all the pain you caused me
Helped me grow
Wish that I could imagine
To feel the way I used to
Sing the way I used to
Love the way I used to
Surrender once more
Fight the way I used to
Hold the way I used to
Kiss the way I used to
Kiss you before
Let our love cry silence
We’ve had our turn
We did the work
Even if it’s quiet
Two hearts that break
They shake the world
Breaking My Heart
It’s breaking my heart
The sadness in your eyes
I see it in your smile
You’ve broken apart
And your body is not the same
And your mind is not ok
You hate your situation
Worry about your life
Cannot find your own apartment
For you and your child
It’s breaking my heart
To see you like this
While he’s cheating at the bar
So many girls he needs to kiss
And everybody knows it
And you don’t want to hear it
No you don’t want to fight
You want to stay out of the trouble
Being lonely is alright
It’s breaking my heart
No matter what I say
It makes you pull away
So should I give up?
Until you understand
How to let somebody in?
If I’m your friend why do you
Keep it all looked up deep inside?
Thinking you’re so strong
But it takes a lot to live a lie
You keep saying that
All you have ain’t quite enough
But you don’t hold on to
Who you’ve got
If you saw what I see
Would you look away?
Would you fight
Would you scream
Or do anything?
When it all gets too much
Will you reach out to me
Some day?
It’s breaking my heart
Intoxicating Love
You mislead my heart
To believe I’m loved
Can’t go on
I can’t belong
Care turns into force
No protection at all
Don’t say I’m wrong
This can’t go on
This game we’re in
You always win
Free for a second
Then locked up again
You wait for my weak moment
Put your fangs back in
Taught me not to move
If I trusted you
Don’t know it any other way
Passing on the kind of love you got
You must
Intoxicate
And only time can tell
If you’ll ever find some peace at all
Now that I stay away
I stay away
When I sympathize
I forget each time
That I’ve tried
Barely survived
You lure me in
Smiling
Never fulfilling
What you promised
I should have known better
Now I cannot move
Waiting for the bell
Feeling such a fool
Turn my cheek the other way
Soon I found that I am not afraid to be
The renegade
And while I’m passing the gate
I dream about the day you will have changed
I’m good with fairy tales
About you
What I should have said
Lingers in my head
As if you’d cast an ancient spell to seal my lips
Why didn’t I see what was next?
Don’t know it any other way
Passing on the kind of love you got
You must intoxicate
Rivals
Getting close to you felt like being the chosen one
A different frequency surrounded us
I needed nobody or at least that’s what I thought
As I counted on our secret bond
From the moment that I saw you I
wanted to be the one that you admire
We shared our talents and our hopes and dreams
Like wine of a sacred kind
But we were friends and rivals
Rivals
Rivals
Oh rivals
When one was shining the other was always
Trying to steal the show
Yeah we were friends and rivals
Rivals
Rivals
Oh rivals
It’s a constant fight to feel that
Love’s just not unconditional
We couldn’t wait for chasing highs and getting bruised
All my memories of reckless youth I made with you
Our connection went from being as thick as thieves
To the day you started ghosting me out of the blue
You saw potential that was slumbering in me
Hidden so deeply I myself could not yet see
You said “It isn’t worth the pain“
That I could fail if I tried to succeed
Friends don’t hurt each other all the time
Friends don’t walk away when things go right
But we would be so critical
To keep each other small
Helped me grow each time you challenged me
Challenges turned into rivalry
And from a tiny hole our fabric dissolved
My Body
I don’t know how to open
My body the same way again
And how to find a man so kind
Someone I trust fully blind
Don’t wanna know it
Just yet
Each time I tried to please others
I closed my energy
Till I found my source of pleasure
Lives inside of me
Flowing endlessly
My companion
Our adventures
Were my oxygen
Plunge into the deep end
Hoping that eventually
We would learn to swim
And I will go
A better version of myself
I don’t want nobody else
Just want to integrate
Emptiness
No more emptiness
No more
Fear instead of awareness
Never running dry
Together we get high
Song About Everything
I want to write a song about everything
A perfect summary of life itself
Cause when the ending of a book is definitive
I do know when to put it back on a shelf
Have I written all these poems just for him
Hoping they might help turn the page?
Will all those melodies that I cannot yet sing
Help me let go of my urge to explain?
Yeah he saved my birthday on his phone
But when the day came he wouldn’t call
My head came up with a phantom pain relationship
That hurts even more than what I recall
Got lost again on imaginary land
Oh isn’t this just what I always did?
Trying to write the end before it even exists
Trying to fill the void with someone else’s kiss
I can’t fill the void
With someone else’s kiss
Avalon
Once we are happy, established and all
Once every single heartache is cured
Once we’re surrounded by rivers of gold
We can move to Avalon
Once we’ve decided love conquers all
the world has stopped being ruthless and cold
Once we feel younger while we’re getting old
We would go to Avalon
Take it all
And say goodbye
Before you let all my hope
Soar into the sky
Again
Cause I would move with you to Avalon
But that day will never come
Once that we’ve succeeded in life’s endless trials
Once no more effort is ever required
Once you can love me with two open eyes
We would walk into paradise
Once our life is a garden of delight
Once we’re so fearless that we’ll never die
Once that we wake up fully satisfied
We would settle for paradise
So maybe once we stop searching for that perfect place
Where not one single day goes to waste
At peace with the world and at peace with ourselves
We’ll find out life happens anyway
Once every day is a wish come true
You see only me and I see you only you
Once we’ve acknowledged we must move today
Otherwise time will slip away
